Be assertive

3 Ways To Build Your Assertiveness Muscle

Assertiveness lies between passive and aggressive behaviour.

It can often be avoided because people aren’t sure what assertive behaviour looks like, or they’re concerned they’ll come across aggressively when they try to be assertive.
By adopting an assertive mindset, behaviour & conversation style, you will feel as if you can deal with any kind of situation that presents itself. Here are those 3 key areas in more detail. Use the information below to tweak or develop further your ‘assertiveness muscle’.

#1 Master Your Assertive Mindset
Assertiveness comes from a certain level of confidence & self-belief. To improve your assertiveness skills, aim to be as optimistic, warm and positive as you can be. Be secure in who you are, and supportive of your colleagues. Plus, be open and flexible, whilst still being decisive – be true to yourself, as the saying goes! Avoid a default position of deferring to others’ wishes (i.e. passive behaviour).

2 Broaden Your Assertive BehaviourWhen behaving assertively, you can give and receive compliments & criticism, with relative ease! You accept compliments without dismissing them, and you don’t take criticism too personally. This is because you’re able to get the situation into perspective. Assertive behaviour also includes adopting a solution-focused approach, listening well, and expressing the way you feel whilst also being considerate of the other person’s feelings.

3 Create Your Assertive ConversationThis is about getting the language right … both the verbal and the non-verbal.

a) Non-verbal Starting with the right body language can give you a confident foundation for a range of situations. So stand (or sit) straight and tall (but be comfortable). If standing, spread your weight evenly between your feet. Use balanced, open gestures, and maintain good eye contact. And don’t forget to smile if appropriate for the situation!

b) Verbal Aim to use more “I …” and “we …” language, as opposed to “you …” and “you’re …”, which can get people on the defensive.
For example: “I appreciate what you’re saying here. I’m sure we can come to some kind of agreement that we’re both happy with” … rather than: “You don’t get what I’m saying. You’re not listening to me!” Of course, it also depends on how what you say is delivered. So ensure an assertive conversation by having a calm and steady voice (regardless of how you might be feeling!), and be sincere and encouraging: “I’m sure we can make this work; let’s look at some options together.”